Friday, June 24, 2011

5 1/2 Steps, Sweat and Solitude...

The title is about as spiritual as I am going to get today. My regular readers know that I had a serious cardiac event a few months ago, that I bought a new Android phone, and that I have been working out for quite a while. Today you get the child of those three parents!

Gyms are interesting places. The YMCA where I live is sort of the Walmart of gyms. It's big, it's got a lot a stuff in a huge building, and the people, well, they are colorful.  I am going to start a page People of the Y. It is some of the same characters you see on the People of Walmart site with spandex.

Come with me on a short journey from desk jockey and couch potato to amateur runner and health nerd as I share the essentials of getting into shape.

-1 Equipment: If you are going to be a health nerd, you need health nerd stuff. First, you need running shoes. It is best to get the ones that do not have the flashing LED's and Dora the Explorer or Diego on them (seriously, get good ones!).

Then you need a musical device: iPod, SmartPhone or MP3 player will do. If it is really sharp looking gadget, then get the Velcro armband holder for it.That way you don't have to hold it when you use the rest room. If it is a cheesy Barbie phone, you may want to stitch a pocket for it in your drawers.

Be sure that you have headphones; at the gym, sharing is not caring!

If you are really cool (like me!) you need a heart monitor to keep track of your pulse. Some of them have alarms so you know when you are about to die on the treadmill. Mine is wireless, and to my surprise, not only does it show up on the special decoder watch I have as well as my SmartPhone, but it displayed on the Precor treadmill too. Freaky!

-2 Apparel: In the old days we had sweat pants and sweat shirts. Period! Walmart could have saved aisles and aisles if that were still the case - but it's not. Now you can get Spandex (please don't if it makes you look like a package of pork tenderloin!), polyester, fake velvet and even sequins. I am just kidding about the sequins - I hope. So what;s up with cheap polyester? It makes noise, lots of noise. The good news is that if you are huge like I was, you won't be going fast. The velvet sweat suit with the nice little piping and stripes, be careful. If you fall on the treadmill, it 's like a long-haired cat caught in a lawnmower. I 'm just sayin. Oh, and remember, Richard Simmons is not trendy.

-3 Diet: Come on, you've maybe tried a few such as Jenny Craig, Atkins, South Beach or the Dill Pickle Diet. If you are going to lose pounds, you need to change the way you eat. Dill pickles are 0 calories, so try them seriously! Dump the sweet drinks, cookies, candy and chips. It's over. You may want to get rid of rice and potatoes too! Only whole wheat or whole grain bread, bagels and crackers if you are serious. Get yourself an 8oz measuring cup. You get two filled with veggies or fruit for each meal plus 3-4 oz of meat or fish. The trick is to chase down stuff that makes it taste good. 3 snacks a day of something nutritious and you're done! I went from 276 to 233 exercising 3 times a week for 30 minutes. Without the exercise while I was sick, I still lost 10 pounds in 2 months.

-4 Music: If you are going to move, you need music. It should rock, you are not meditating! I suggest, Led ZeppelinBurn Service, Steve Miller, Kutless, Tim Hughes and Jason Aldean.

-5 Events: I need a goal, and you might too. Mine is a 5k race. My first for next month is Run, Walk or Crawl 5K in a nearby town.  There has got to be some slow people there! Sure, in high school I ran it in 16:57, but now I'm happy with 35 minutes.

-5 1/2 Noom! - I have a app on my phone entitle Noom/Cardio Trainer. It keeps track of all my exercise and food consumption! (Here is another one that is pretty cool if you don't have a SmartPhone:

How about you, are you as healthy as you'd like to be?


Matt @ The Church of No People said...

I realized I just don't have the discipline to go to the gym. It's too much work to leave the house to exercise. So I got myself a pull up bar and some dumbbells, and so far, so good.

Andrea York said...

I had a little giggle from your post.

I can imagine the scene but not really relate. I live in a very affluent area (I don't know how they let me live here) but all you see at the gym is a sea of lulu lemon or other similar name brands. The women are cougars and as such have very expensive blond hair and they don't need a push-up bra.

As for my fitness routine - since I've been flagging as a primary form of worship, I find that I'm getting my cardio exercise and some leg and arm strength simply from waving the flags - who knew?

I should be better with my diet but we gave my husband an ice cream maker for Father's day. Right now we've got a lot of ice cream in the house - not good for my diet.

David-FireAndGrace said...

@Matt - you still have a few years! It is good news that you do something for sure! Love your blog, and I'd like to have you around for a bit.

@Andrea - glad you laughed. And movement is exercise, even if it is worship. But I don't think fasting is dieting. ;)

Ice cream is a killer for old guys like me.

Mesha said...

Great job and great advice. This was good reminder.

photogr said...

Well not really as healthy as I should be. I think it is an age thing.

Does pulling and cutting trees out of power lines,settling physical disputes,walking around inspecting, and looking for health department violations count?

Charlie's Church of Christ said...

It's odd, I'm the heaviest I've ever been but I eat better than I ever have and I exercise a lot (natural exercise as opposed to a regime). I may just be getting old.

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