Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Mad Libs: An Unforgettable Church Service

Hopefully you have heard of Mad Libs(R)! They are stories that you blindly fill in the blanks for articles of grammar and then read the completed story. Since I was a kid, these have always been a hoot. I decided to make up my own. Just fill in the blanks next time you are at small group and then read it back. It is sure to shake up a few religious spirits.

An Unforgettable Church Service

We arrived at _________ (time of day) at the Church of the Holy _________ (noun). It was ___________ (day of week) and we got out of the _________ (mode of transportation). We were dressed in our __________ (day of week) best. We all held _________ (plural body part) as we crossed the street. Today was special because it was ___________ (holiday) and the kids look forward to receiving _________ (noun) as part of the celebration.

Pastor _________ (name) was there to greet us and shake our ________ (body part). He welcomed my __________ (family member) with a big _________ (bodily gesture). He said __________ (slang greeting), and welcome.

We made our way past the _________ (plural noun) and the ________ (herding animals) and took our seats on the ___________ (noun). There we people everywhere, but no one ______ (verb ending in ed) us. I guess that is how they share their ___________ (strong emotion).

The service started with invigorating ___________ (action verb). It was so __________ (emotion), people were ___________ (verb).

Next were the announcements. I was surprised to hear they were having _________ (activity) for the youth, and _________ (activity) for the adults. There was going to be an outreach to the ___________ (class or group of people).

We wrote a check for $_________ (amount of money) and put it into the ___________ (noun) for the work of ___________ (deity). This made us so ________ (emotion) we couldn't contain ourselves.

The pastor began his sermon based on _________ (Bible verse). As he broke it down, I just _________ (physio-emotional response). During it he shouted _________ (interjection) ________ (positive number) times. I looked at my watch and it was ________ (number) minutes since he started. ______ (exclamation)! He finally ended with the ________ (numeric ordinal) ________ closing.

Next they had a call for anyone wanting to get _____________ (verb ending in ed) and _______ (number) went forward. Some people ________ (verb) and others ________ (verb ending in ed) at the altar. People raised their __________ (plural body part) and shouted _________ (religious interjection).

The _________ (kind of team) team played another song and we filed out to the ___________ (name of a room) to have _____________ (beverage). We stood there waiting to ________ (verb) to someone. _______ (number) people came to welcome us.

All in all it was a(n) ________ (adjective) day. Praise _________ (deity)!

Want to print it? HERE is a link.

5 comments:

eaglegirl said...

Whoa, you had to really work hard to write this one and I'm not kidding.
It will be interesting to see what people come up with.
I don't think I have ever been at a church where the Pastor greets people at the door.
And since I barely passed grammar in school I probably couldn't figure out adjectives from action verbs.
Its a bummer when I write things, I go by what sounds right.

photogr said...

If I ever filled in the blanks, I might get banned from all churches. Some times my sense of humor tends to be on the dark side. We wern't supposed to fill these out were we?

photogr said...

OOPPS!!

~ Jan ~ said...

OK, David, you asked for it. Here is my version of "An Unforgettable Church Service" according to your Mad Lib suggestion. I took a bit of liberty with it but here is my story. I hope I don't step on anyones hoofs.

An Unforgettable Church Service

We arrived at 2 o'clock at the Church of the Holy Hoedown . It was a sunny, Saturday afternoon and we got out of the R.V., our Home Sweet Home. We were dressed in our rodeo best. We all locked elbows and square danced as we crossed the street. Today was special because it was Cow Patty Bingo Day and the kids looked forward to receiving a ribbon wrapped cow pie as part of the celebration.

Pastor Hee Haw was there to greet us and shook the tail of Bessie, our cow. He welcomed Bessie with a big toothless grin. He said, "She's a good pie maker." and welcomed us.

We made our way past the bingo fields and the cattle tents and took our seats on the saddles provided. There were people everywhere, but no one mooed us. I guess that is how they share their contempt towards their competition.

The service started with an invigorating parade of corn fed cows. It was so ruminating, people were anxious to line up to make their bets.

Next were the announcements. I was surprised to hear they were having a cow patty toss for the youth, and an after-cleanup program for the adults. There was going to be an outreach to them city folks, too.

We wrote a check for $100.00 and put it into the bettor's milk pail for the work of the Cash Cow. This made us so money hungry we couldn't contain ourselves.

The pastor began his sermon based on Job 18:3
"Why are we regarded as cattle and considered stupid in your sight?" As he broke it down, I just sat there stupefied. During it he shouted, "How the cattle moan", about 40 times. I looked at my watch and it was half past bingo play since he started. "Holy cow!", I cried. He finally ended with a closing for a cattle call.

Next they had a call for anyone wanting to get their bets placed and every one went forward. Some people were caught cheating and others disqualified at the altar. People raised their wagers and shouted, For heaven's sake, let the games begin."

The Cowboy team played another song, 'This Is The Way We Milk The Cows', and we filed out to the the bingo field to have a glass of chocolate milk. We stood there waiting to show our Bessie to someone but Bessie lost - only then did hundred's of people come to welcome us.

All in all it was a crappy day. Praise the Cash Cow, NOT!

David said...

Lots of fun. In real life, you choose the articles of speech not knowing what the result will be. The randomness is part of the fun. Then you read it.

Thanks for the laugh, Jan

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