Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I Have it all Figured Out - Some Twisted Theology

I checked my blog stats today, and my readership dropped to 6 for one day this week. Thanks for humbling me. Apparently my readers were all over at Tony C Today' blog looking for a chuckle... he's a funny guy, and looks great in tutu-- well for a guy.

I have been musing over my job loss, thinking about all the stuff that I need to do, and it occurred to me. I am not in control today either. Nope, I can't get any one to call me back about a job. I tried to answer a call from an application that I submitted, and the cell went dead. So, I called them back on my home phone which also went dead. So, I went to get a haircut and now I am itching physically and emotionally too. Oh well, nothing a clay pot can solve.

I left my debit card at McDonalds. I knew I should haven't eaten there-- doubtful any of that stuff meets the Levitical dietary laws.

So, here I am meditating on the how God takes care of the sparrows and the lilies. But they live outdoors, and I was hoping that I didn't have to. My wife hates camping, and my daughter hates bugs. Me, I like warm showers. Well if God will take care of me like a lily, then I should probably live somewhere that a lily can survive... like Florida or the US Virgin Islands. I can see myself living on the beach. And the last time I was there I found a few vacation drunks who managed to sleep out overnight; hit the Caribbean for a quick swim, and look presentable for brunch. I am thinking this is where God is leading me.

That said, because God is leading me to do little or nothing on a tropical island -- like Paul and John -- well Paul took care of the snake in the fire and John wrote Revelations-- I am going to need the support of my readers. You can make checks out to me, or my wife, she gets them all anyway.

I am believing this to be a great ministry. I can preach the gospel to folks on vacation, wardrobe costs will be low-- we're talking shorts, flip-flops and a teal t-shirt silk screen with "HEY MON" on the front. The modern day Jesus would be similar. We can pick citrus and avocados off the trees, eat coconuts and praise God for the great weather. Are you with me?

And while I am out there basking in the sunshine, you can pray for me-- I burn easily. But this is a mission, a sacrifice for Jesus-- a chance for souls... well mine anyway. Can I get an amen!

You know I was thinking, a God who gets the church loaded for their debut (Acts 2), I can handle that. You know the new-agers don't have anything like this... well demon rum, but that makes you sick-- trust me on this one. Each morning we'll get up like 11:59 AM and grab a quick swim, and get loaded on the Holy Ghost. We'll sit on the beach laughing and talking about the amazing things God is doing in this wonderful ministry!

Finally, after all these years or trying, I am giving up, and doing it His way-- the new man is going tropical, because that way it will be easier to be a lily or sparrow. And God can concentrate on those I leave behind in New England.

Or I could get a grip, and go to the interview at 10 tomorrow morning, and get a real job. I wonder what God is saying?


photogr said...


You have the right idea going to Florida ( my home state).Some parts are better than others as far as the cost of living.

Got to tell you though, any thing south of Gainsville is considered a snow birds tourist trap and more expensive to live. East coast beaches are rather drab. West coast beaches are something else to behold.

Beach sands are so white you would think it snowed. The emerald waters are so clear you can see for miles under water. You are also in luck for lodging. There is camp grounds on the beach with no restrictions so pack lightly and bring your pup tent and a fishing rod.

The one area that I favor is Pensacola, Panama City, and Fort Walton Beach ( my old stompimg grounds. Plenty to see and do plus save a few souls. Certainly a nice place to live comfortably.

If you are a fisher man you can enjoy catching Red Snapper,or sheep heads, or get a net and round up sweet tasty Gulf Coast Shrimp. Ah yes you can catch crabs any where. All you need is a fish head tied to a string and the crabs will come in droves.

However, There is a possible draw back living on the beach. Every now and then,but not frequently mind you you will get to experience a Hurricane really up close. Most are only small ones which will give you a chance to get in some serious surf boarding on the high waves.

The November through April weather is glorious. Your suggested wardrobe would fit in nicely there. The Summers are only toasty. Nothing a mid day swim in the Gulf wouldn't cure.

This message was brought to you by Photogr's Florida tourist travel information center.

Certainly makes a 10:00 AM job interview seem rather drab.

eaglegirl said...

Oh I hate those kind of days: dead cell phone, misplaced debit cards, home phone dies.
Good thing it doesn't happen every day. Hope you get a job with a great vacation package so you can do some missionary work on a tropical island.
Hey, even tourists need to be evangelized.

eaglegirl said...

Hey, btw I've been reading your blogs.

Marietjie said...

You are funny. Several people I know have lost their jobs the past few months. You made it sound funny. Nice sense of humor.
En Agape

Tevet said...

If Nikki allowed me access to the checkbook, I would have a check in the mail tomorrow morning.

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