Unemployment - The Bright Side

Well, I am 4 days into my new found unemployment. I am trying not to think about the potential crises the harbingers of financial hell might bring in a few weeks if I don't find a job. So, today I am going to concentrate on the bright side. After all, some days are so bad that you have to laugh. Like this morning, I bought a computer from a guy-- delivered from Craigslist. Well now that the Boston Craigslist Killer is behind bars, I am taking my chances again. However; I did think about an armed man coming to my house to take my cash and life. So, I parked my Mustang GT in the driveway so that my "Gun Owner - Voter" bumper sticker was very visible. He sheepishly parked in the street and waited for me to come to the porch door before stepping onto the lawn.

In an email I had spelled out exactly what it needed this PC to do, so he showed up without the IIS installed from the 386 folder! So, I pulled out my semi-auto -- just kidding. He had to go home to get a disk. Me, I have to leave for an interview-- so much for planning. While he was out, I decided to get my suit on. I opened a new shirt and tossed it on the ironing board. It had stains on it! Fortunately I had purchased two. One with, and one without stains. I am standing in my underwear and the computer guy comes back. I grab what clothes I can, and head down the stairs. "Yay, IIS is installed! Here's your cash; gotta go, bye!"

I find my wireless key and I am on the Internet... shoot, this thing has no virus protection! I shut it off, and gather my thoughts. I am good to go, I have a suit and tie that match, are pressed and I am only running 15 minutes late... but I planned half an hour extra, so I am feeling a little edgy, but pretty certain I will make my first job interview on time.

Ten minutes into my 1 hour or so trek to Providence, RI, the gas light comes on-- "50 Miles To E" - damn, it's 67 miles each way. I pull into the nearest Shell station and drop 8 bucks in the tank. A few minutes later, I pull onto Interstate 495 and rocket up to 85 MPH. The heck with global warming. I set the cruise control, and then reach my index finger towards the stereo when I remember that I left the employment application, and NDA documents in my briefcase near the porch door. @#^*&!! (Don't worry, that is not the Lord's name) This recruiter asked me to be a few minutes early, dress for an interview and bring two signed pieces of paper! And I have failed him.

I grab my cell and call a buddy from mens group-- whining about how stupid I am -- he quietly agrees. I mean, these guys know me.

In Providence, I am following directions from Google Maps that I have texted to myself the night before... apparently they were outdated by this morning!!! Instead of panicking, I call the Misses at work, and politely ask her to find my address. She leads me on a cellular, block-by-block tour of East Providence. You have to be kidding me, no one could find this place... how do people get here for work? I mean the Google Maps satellite looks down here and says, "who cares!" I can imagine the Mr T. narrated Garman GPS going, "We dead, we dead now fool."

I have arrived 20 minutes early. I thank God for all that He has done so far. As I am putting on my tie, I notice a sharp pain in my Adam's Apple. I forgot to take one of the pins out of the new shirt. I rolled down the window and through it half way to Block Island.

I begin thinking about how grateful I am not to be in getting stem cell treatment like my friend Dave. Or the fact that I am not stage 4 cancer like my wife's best friend from 6th grade... Nope, now that I have time off, I am going to get my year 50 physical-- with pictures -- before my insurance runs out... I am not just #1 once a year, but now it will be on film. And I am going to dentist to get the root canal I have been putting off, but was reminded about again with the ice water I had for dinner. Actually, I am hoping to have both procedures done at once so I can save the extra co-pay.

BTW - The interview went fine.