Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Unemployment - The Bright Side

Well, I am 4 days into my new found unemployment. I am trying not to think about the potential crises the harbingers of financial hell might bring in a few weeks if I don't find a job. So, today I am going to concentrate on the bright side. After all, some days are so bad that you have to laugh. Like this morning, I bought a computer from a guy-- delivered from Craigslist. Well now that the Boston Craigslist Killer is behind bars, I am taking my chances again. However; I did think about an armed man coming to my house to take my cash and life. So, I parked my Mustang GT in the driveway so that my "Gun Owner - Voter" bumper sticker was very visible. He sheepishly parked in the street and waited for me to come to the porch door before stepping onto the lawn.

In an email I had spelled out exactly what it needed this PC to do, so he showed up without the IIS installed from the 386 folder! So, I pulled out my semi-auto -- just kidding. He had to go home to get a disk. Me, I have to leave for an interview-- so much for planning. While he was out, I decided to get my suit on. I opened a new shirt and tossed it on the ironing board. It had stains on it! Fortunately I had purchased two. One with, and one without stains. I am standing in my underwear and the computer guy comes back. I grab what clothes I can, and head down the stairs. "Yay, IIS is installed! Here's your cash; gotta go, bye!"

I find my wireless key and I am on the Internet... shoot, this thing has no virus protection! I shut it off, and gather my thoughts. I am good to go, I have a suit and tie that match, are pressed and I am only running 15 minutes late... but I planned half an hour extra, so I am feeling a little edgy, but pretty certain I will make my first job interview on time.

Ten minutes into my 1 hour or so trek to Providence, RI, the gas light comes on-- "50 Miles To E" - damn, it's 67 miles each way. I pull into the nearest Shell station and drop 8 bucks in the tank. A few minutes later, I pull onto Interstate 495 and rocket up to 85 MPH. The heck with global warming. I set the cruise control, and then reach my index finger towards the stereo when I remember that I left the employment application, and NDA documents in my briefcase near the porch door. @#^*&!! (Don't worry, that is not the Lord's name) This recruiter asked me to be a few minutes early, dress for an interview and bring two signed pieces of paper! And I have failed him.

I grab my cell and call a buddy from mens group-- whining about how stupid I am -- he quietly agrees. I mean, these guys know me.

In Providence, I am following directions from Google Maps that I have texted to myself the night before... apparently they were outdated by this morning!!! Instead of panicking, I call the Misses at work, and politely ask her to find my address. She leads me on a cellular, block-by-block tour of East Providence. You have to be kidding me, no one could find this place... how do people get here for work? I mean the Google Maps satellite looks down here and says, "who cares!" I can imagine the Mr T. narrated Garman GPS going, "We dead, we dead now fool."

I have arrived 20 minutes early. I thank God for all that He has done so far. As I am putting on my tie, I notice a sharp pain in my Adam's Apple. I forgot to take one of the pins out of the new shirt. I rolled down the window and through it half way to Block Island.

I begin thinking about how grateful I am not to be in getting stem cell treatment like my friend Dave. Or the fact that I am not stage 4 cancer like my wife's best friend from 6th grade... Nope, now that I have time off, I am going to get my year 50 physical-- with pictures -- before my insurance runs out... I am not just #1 once a year, but now it will be on film. And I am going to dentist to get the root canal I have been putting off, but was reminded about again with the ice water I had for dinner. Actually, I am hoping to have both procedures done at once so I can save the extra co-pay.

BTW - The interview went fine.


Mamakita said...


photogr said...

Great that you made it in time.

Good story.

Tevet said...

Hmmm, you were more 'profane' describing your misfortune than describing your disregard for global warming.

Great read, very amusing and very well written. Very cool how you bring a 'bad day' into proper perspective.

I had a room mate that fell off a ladder at work and shattered his 12th thoracic vertebrae. I have never had a bad day a work since. Sure, there have been some days that I could not get through soon enough, but compared to Shane's one bad day, I would just be feeling sorry for myself.

eaglegirl said...

This is way too funny, I can picture the whole thing, except the underwear part.
I have never in my life heard of anyone opening a new man's shirt to find it stained !! Inspector # 44 was asleep at the wheel that day.
David, David, David glad you did not impale your Adams apple.
I'm sure you will do better next time.
And you may have discovered a way to decrease medical costs. Have the colonoscopy and root canal at the same time ! lol
Yes, that is now a standard test for those of us 50 and over to get.
Bet you wished I hadn't told you about that.
But you may want to put off that type of test cause it will take up two days time actually and you need that time for more important things.
Well, try to enjoy your weekend.
Carol Adams

Charlie's Church of Christ said...

first time reading has ever made me break out in a sweat!

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