Well, I've lost it. I tried so hard to fit the religious mold, I really did. I went to a church for all of 2009; tried to follow all the little programs, got a newcomers gift; mints and all, reached out, gave out business cards, called everyone that gave me a number and emailed everyone else I met. I attended a few small groups, volunteered for some stuff and stood by the coffee pot trying to catch a little conversation.
Religion is not working for me. Instead of lifting my spirit, it makes me sad.
I finally had to tell myself I am not of this world I call church. I am sorry, this can't be the gathering that I was warned against forsaking!
I must be doing something wrong. I might not be needy enough, old enough, short enough, clean enough, interesting enough or of the right lineage. I dunno. Maybe I am in denial, but my daughter's youth pastor thinks I am awesome. Too bad I am not 16, I could go to those meetings!
What am I going to do?
I am going to pray this prayer I wrote for a New Year's blog over at Kingdom Bloggers.
I did manage to have breakfast with a friend today. We try to go once a month - but I missed November and just about all of December - I have just had a hard time - I was at fault. We talked about software programming, music, and Jesus. He always has wonderful, yet simple revelations. I love that about him. I always feel refreshed because he is so "real" about what God is doing. Today we talked about the "same God, different denominations" theme.
I'm in this strange holding pattern. If I had finances and a prayer covering, I'd be doing mission trips and ministry trips all over the world. That's why I am praying this PRAYER.
Until then, I am going to do a little visiting, and see if I can find the real Jesus somewhere near by.