Monday, March 1, 2010

Social-ism - 10 Ways to Lose Friends and Influence Others

Who's your BFF? (Best Friend Forever - not Big Friggin' Fool) Most of us have one. In fact most folks have too many friends as evidenced with the astronomical growth of "contact memory space" on mobile phones and devices.

My first phone had room to store 20 numbers - err slots with only two favorites allowed on two-touch dialing. The last few devices I owned had 200+ slots! That's a lot of contacts, and lot of FFs! My Blackberry Curve has unlimited room for contacts plus all the social networking apps you can fit on the memory card!

Today I have decided to take a look at 10 worst types of friends in your friendscape, and ways to cull your list - after all you're too busy for all this social-ism.

1 Promissory Friends - These are the folks that owe you a dinner, a time for coffee, or an obligatory let's get together. Apparently they have never learned that "getting together" requires a time, a date and a location - even one that is most convenient for them. They're easy to jettison, just pull out your PDA and ask what day is good for you?

2 "It's All About Me" Friends - They only call, or worse knock on the door, when they have run out of others to listen to their tales of woo. The first few dozen times you feel sorry for them. It doesn't take long, however; for them to suck the air out the room - even through the phone. And the good ones ask a leading question like, "how was your weekend?" just so they can tell you about theirs. Google phone numbers are very helpful in throwing them off the trail.

3 Fair Weather Friends - The old school opportunists. Some times called Friends with Costs, they only call if they need something - a rake, a ride to the airport at midnight, or help moving to their 5th apartment this year. Disabled voice mail is the best deterrent to this behavior - well, unless they happen to be your next door neighbor. Then your only hope is the Philadelphia Experiment (Project Rainbow)!

4 Once Removed Friends - These are friends that you've reconnected with after some period of time. For whatever reason, in a weak moment, you let them back on to your friendscape with hopes of a different ending. Getting rid of them once was good practice in case there is a next time.

5 Facebook Friends - These are folks that you've never met - they are avatars of friendship - perfect in every way. The problem is that Facebook has changed the user interface so many times, you can't figure out how to delete them.

6 Friends with Benefits - Friends in which you have a non-committed sexual relationship with. Ending these is easy, stop supplying the benefit.

7 Rotten Friends - I am kind of a pack-rat. I mean I have clothes older than my kids. It is the same with friends. I have a long list of folks which I have met over the years. To cut down on the clutter, I have tried to toss anything that I haven't used in a year. The same is true of friends, if I haven't heard from them in a year - sianara. Like old peppers on the back shelf of the fridge, they're gone.

8 Stupid Friends - These are the people that you've known for years at work, at church, and in business. Sometimes they're entertaining - well in small doses. They can't seem to call you by your preferred name. Hey John - umm - no it's David. Right, Dave, good to see you again. Picture a bomb going off underwater and this guy floating to the surface surrounded by a few dead pickerel.

9 Toxic Friends - You befriended them in hopes of pursuing a common interest together - and then stupidly became roommates! These folks are certain to drag you down by blaming and abusing you while they mindlessly pursue some sort of addiction. It's never easy to end one of these without getting a new lease on life and on a new apartment.

10 Distant Friends - These folks are like distant relatives - there is a reason why they are distant. Sometimes it's hard to put enough distance between you and these folks. There just doesn't seem to be room on the planet for them to find a new circle of friends. And worse, as their other friends die off, grow bored or go insane trying to avoid them, they move closer to you. Name changes are very effective here.

An there you have it. That should get you down to the folks that care about you the most in life. And by the way, if you are one of those types of friends, do everyone a favor, and stop.

What kind of friend are you?


Tony C said...

My BFF stated a long time ago there is no greater love than a friend who would lay down his life for his friends.

He did and set the bar for friendship pretty high...

photogr said...

So David:

Where do you list your true friends?

David said...

Larry - true friends are the ones that are left once you get rid of the clutter of folks that are not committed to you.

They are a rare find, a very rare find. I don't think I know anyone that would lay down their life for me at this juncture in my life. My closest friend is my wife.

I am lucky enough to have a few friends that pray for me over the miles.

photogr said...

That I do david. That I do.

2SenseWorth said...

Well, with friends like that who needs leeches, con-artists, acute mental abuse specialists, and stalkers!

We are taught to love the unlovely... My heart's desire and goal is to be the "faithful" friend, but I certainly have had my "ugly" times and I thank God for my true friends who loved me anyway.

Tracy said...

Hummm....pretty funny.

To be candid, I don't have a ton of friends. So I'm rather forgiving toward the few friends I do have. Everyone is irritating sometimes, everyone ('cept Jesus) doesn't come through for us sometimes, or on occasion disappoints. I'm blessed to have a handful of friends who I can just be myself around (and they still like me!), who I know want the very best for me, with whom conversation is always easy, who I can call on when I need prayer, and who are just plain fun to hang out with.

What kind of friend am I? I am not charismatic or the life of a party, but I am loyal and true. My few close friends can call on me anytime for anything and they know I'll be there. They know that when something good happens in their life - I'll be overjoyed for them.

Nicodemus at Nite said...

LMFAO!!! Dude this was frigging hilarious. I love the Face book friends.

How about "Sensitive Friends?" These friends get offended by everything and anything. Maybe this is a sub factor under stupid friends?

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