Wednesday, July 28, 2010

5 1/2 Items Needed to Worship Jesus

I don't know about you, but when I go to church, there is some pretty specific paraphernalia that Christians seem to need to make the experience fuller, and engage God more deeply
-1 The Bulletin: An essential accessory for every service. A list of this week's happenings, contact info for all the important folks, and maybe some sermon info - well if the pastor plans ahead. It doubles as a "shut the kids up" personal coloring device and a fan when the A/C wasn't turned on in time for the service. Usually free for the taking.

-2 Leatherette Zipper Bible Case: The coolest ones have a Jesus fish or a cross on them. But they have them for kids, camouflage, and bright magenta! Or you can have Footprints and verses about swords on there too. They can hide sermon notes, bulletins from 1996, high-liters, pens, "Jesus Paid it All" personal checks, small handguns along with phone numbers and emails of folks that you'll probably never have time to contact.

-3 Personalized Liquid Refreshments: They range from Dasani bottled water to Iced Mocha Latte Fudge Swirl Cappuccinos with a Double Shot of Blueberry Spice. Amazing that some adults have not learned the art of not slurping that last sip during a quiet and reflective moment. But water is a symbol of the Holy Spirit, and caffeine; motivation for the long sermon ahead.

-4 Child Care Kiddie Kraft Kits: Crayons, markers, coloring books, paper, blunt scissors, origami sets, plastic jewelry making sets, Easy Bake Ovens, Barbie Cars and Chia Pets. You need to be prepared to bribe every kid for long enough to get them to Kids' Church.

-5 Electronic Spiritual Reception Enhancement Devices: Gameboys, iPods, Cell Phones, Smart Phones, iPads, laptops, console TV's and the like... It's important to have these if the worship service starts going south. You can flip on DC Talk if the worship is lame, you can check your E*Trade account during the offering to better prepare your tithe check, flip on Andy Stanley or the Eternal Word Television Network (EWTN) if the homily is a repeat, and have a "text social" during fellowship time.

-5 1/2 Bible...

How about you, do you bring anything special to Sunday service to help you engage God?


Charlie Chang said...

I bring a pen and paper and think about blog ideas honestly.

TeVeT said...

I make sure to have my celly. It's my clock, my bible, my facebook, my fantasy football league, my mma links, my news links...
Don't worry I am sure to have it on silent. After all the times I have called my wife and Buds during service just to see if they had their cellys on quiet, I dont wanna get 'paid back' by them calling me.

photogr said...

Yes I do. My gorilla suit. Although I probably should wash it. It is starting to attract flies.

Seriously though, I used to go around saying hi to others at this particular church but it didn't get me recognized so I started bringing a LED light and a Christian topic book to read after the music worship stopped. Surprisingly, no one even noticed.

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