Skip to main content

5 Excuses for Preaching Too Long

I got to thinking - I have probably attended about 3,000 church services in my life time. On an aveage of an hour each, that gives me about 3,000 credit hours; enough to have a few dozen degrees in church-i-anity. I am feeling good about myself, my church experience and while that lasts, I am going to do a little analysis.

I have noticed that in our church culture (a nice way of saying religious Pharisees) preachers some times run on a little bit. On occasion, God is done, and they are not. So here are five signs that they know this is true, but are in denial.

- "In closing" Why don't they just say, I am not done yet, I have more to say, and those who want to, can leave now. Here's why. If they did, it would sound like a commercial toilet flushing as folks headed for the door. Mary Anne and I usually close our eyes because we know there are going to be 4 or 5 closings.

- "Paul preached all night" Yes, and he was beaten, stoned, shipwrecked and imprisioned - I am not seeing the comparison.

- "Can you give a few more minutes?" I already did and you wasted them on some stupid illustration about a frog in a bucket of water.

- "I'm under the anointing." I asked God and he said it was NyQuil.

- "You come to church once a week, and I need to fit this in." Yes, and this is the reason I only come once.

I apologize for my sarcasm. I actually have a reader that likes my blog better when I am not so caustic - I am hoping that they'll see the humor in it.

I have been enjoying church much more than the previous few years. We've had prophecy, healing, teaching on deliverance, great worship, a cool communion time and some of the other regular church stuff.

How about you, are you engaging God on Sunday morning?

Comments

Charlie Chang said…
BAHAHA I love you man. This post is awesome. Especially, the frog in a bucket of water illustration. I know EXACTLY what you're refering to.

And also, their anointing was nyquil.

Lately, I've just been opening my eyes during prayer time. It's good to see what people are really in agreement with when the prayer is being said. I don't know, it's encouraging to me.

Great post.

nicodemusatnite.blogspot.com
Tony C said…
Were you being sarcastic? I thought you were just being David...

I became most joyful in my worship when I finally concluded other people have nothing to do with it. Don't get me wrong, I love fellowship with my church family and my pastor often challenges me with his sermons, but I use his sermons as a jumping off point to dig deeper in the coming week...not as the final word on the subject.

I guess you could say he's my weekly Guidepost magazine...
David said…
@JCC - I thought that frog illustration would get to a few Baptists along the way. LOL

@Tony - I agree - it is about Jesus - but man, a short sermon can be right from the Holy Spirit's mouth!
Anonymous said…
ZZZZZZZ... actually long sermons provide an opportunity to increase dreams, and dreams are part of the Acts 2 prophecy ha ha -daryl
David said…
@Daryl - I'll be thinking that every Sunday until I go to glory.
photogr said…
What we need is more enlightenment.
Sarcasm Snuffer ;-) said…
LOL@You! -->Very humurous, as sarcasm and (in reference to TonyC's comment) David usually is. :-) I really can't comment objectively here as I have yet to hear the Nyquil "loaded" frog in a bucket illustration LOL... though I've heard the donkey in a dirt hole analogy a few times now(and I quite like it! haha)
Keep up the humor, always love it. My point only being that as the church body, we gotta stick together as one, respecting, building up and encouraging eachother, and those God has called to lead us, delivering His Word, even when they miss it in our evaluation... We all have. And, maybe just maybe, how the frog got out of his bucket jam might just be what a "younger" Christian in the church body needed to hear that day. :-)
n then again... maybe not(?) LOL ;-) Bless ya...
Tracy said…
So you were pretty funny. I think anyone who's been in church services for more than 2 years has experienced at least one sermon where the preacher did seem to speak on longer than the Spirit was leading.

However, to be candid, I've said way more things in my life than I was led to. My mouth has caused me more problems through the years than I care to think about. I'm grateful that I'm SLOWLY changing in this area.

I look forward to Sunday mornings. I get to sing songs of praise and thanksgiving alongside others, and I'm encouraged by the Word. Just recently as we were driving home from church I was saying how exceptionally good it it had been and my 16yr old son told me that I always say that. I told him that it's because it just always seems to be so.

Popular posts from this blog

Mad Libs: An Unforgettable Church Service

Hopefully you have heard of Mad Libs (R) ! They are stories that you blindly fill in the blanks for articles of grammar and then read the completed story. Since I was a kid, these have always been a hoot. I decided to make up my own. Just fill in the blanks next time you are at small group and then read it back. It is sure to shake up a few religious spirits. An Unforgettable Church Service We arrived at _________ ( time of day ) at the Church of the Holy _________ ( noun ). It was ___________ ( day of week ) and we got out of the _________ ( mode of transportation ). We were dressed in our __________ ( day of week ) best. We all held _________ ( plural body part ) as we crossed the street. Today was special because it was ___________ (holiday) and the kids look forward to receiving _________ ( noun ) as part of the celebration. Pastor _________ ( name ) was there to greet us and shake our ________ ( body part ). He welcomed my __________ ( family member ) with a big _________ ( bodil...

Touchdown Jesus! - Vessels of Grace and Channels of Power

My blog title is grammatically correct. Jesus did not get a touchdown, that was the nickname a 62 foot tall, upper torso sculpture, of Jesus was given. The sculpture, off I-75 in southern Ohio, was struck by lightening and burned to the ground. HERE  is the Yahoo News story. I an not going to segue into some prophetic sign of how the End Times are upon is. Much more interesting, and relevant, are the comments on the article by some 3,500+ readers. Here is one by Joshua - "God and Jesus was just made up in a book too. Same with Lucifer and every other angel. Anyone who says Zues is just made up cant prove it. Nor can anyone prove Jesus or God is too. Anyone can write a book and make up some higher being and some poor fools will buy into it." This is one of my favorites from What122: "I wonder if their insurance will cover it, or will the insurance company say it was an act of God?" One commenter characterizes Christianity by using the Bible against itself. Be...

God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy

There was a discussion on Facebook today about how some people think Christians are "whack jobs." Regardless, God is still great. I don't really know much about beer. I haven't had one in just about 30 years. There are a lot of folks that consider themselves to be Christian. Some because they do good, and others because they have faith in God or are born again-- and others because they grew up in a Christian denomination. Far be it from me to decide who is in, and who is out. Some say we'll be surprised at who is going to be there, and others say who think they are in will be surprised when they are rejected at the Pearly Gates. Hmmm... But let's say you are a real Christian who is feeling passionate about doing something for God. You know something beyond throwing a few bucks in the offering plate and trying to be a good person. The church calls it service or ministry, which could include such things as: reading scriptures on Sunday morning, planning a harves...