5 1/2 Stupid Reasons to Call Yourself a Christian

Have you heard all the flap about Ann Rice quitting Christianity? It seems that it is on every blog I read, and some I don't. I am not going to rehash any of it. As far as I am concerned, it is a non sequitur. She said she quit, I said, "Praise Allah!" There are a lot of bigger idiots (that are not selling books) that I wish would quit too.

When folks like her say stuff like that, it is simply a reflection of the negative view some have of Christianity. For me, it has as much weight as something Bill Mahr says. Since the beginning of mankind, there has been religion, and God is fully aware of that - one reason He sent Jesus to die on the cross. Next!

What I want to know is why people that could care less what the Bible says; much less practice it, want to be called Christians?

Like a vegan ordering a meat-less Big Mac, the need for the "Christian" label amazes me. It is especially disturbing because, according to Barna, about 78% of American CHRISTIANS believe that their thoughts and feelings are more reliable moral indicator than the Bible.

Here is my take on why folks want to be called a Christian.

-1 No One Wants to Be the "A" Word: Because being the "c" word is easier than being the "a" word. If you were in class and called out by your beliefs, Atheists would be called before Christians. No one likes being first in a group. If you are the "c" word you at least get to be a few into the line and can act like those that came before you. Only Tiger Woods is the "b" word, and he's in a class by himself. And if you are the "m" word, no one will be listening by then.

I think it be much cooler if they called themselves, Equus Asinus. It has foreign intrigue, it's sounds intellectual, it's a bit techy, a bit scientific, and it has a couple of pronunciations so there could be classy and a trashy linguistic qualities depending on whether it is used as a negative or positive term.

-2 It Sounds "Good": Jesus did good, and so do I. I'm good because I am better than Name of Person that Doesn't Do Good.

Hey Rudi Guilliani said he read the Bible regularly, George Bush said that Christianity is just one way to heaven, and so did Barak Obama. Check them out on YouTube.

I don't know about you, but that kind of religion makes me suspect. I mean Oprah's a good person right? She gives cars to unsuspecting folks in the audience. In their minds, Christianity = Good Person. I guess we're bad because we don't give cars to people? Hitler was good - he got people to work, took away every one's guns, got the economy going, and gas prices went down. That was good, right?

Jesus, now He was omni-good. Well, except where He told the religious bigots that they were whitewashed tombs. And when he told the money changers to get out of the temple and backed it up with a little holy anger. Yes, and when he made the demons go into the pigs - yeah that was good. (it was)

-3 Inheritance: Well, some folks feel like the fact that they are born into a Christian family makes them Christian - I guess that's good. Even the  Israelites that handed Jesus over to Pilate were not called heathens or Babylonians after the fact.

I suppose if your ancestors were involved in the Crusades, the PTL Club or selling indulgences, you might want to keep it quiet.

It makes me think, do I really want to identify with my mother and father so much so, that I can enjoy the benefits of be ridiculed by Wolf Blitzer or lumped in with nuts like those from Westboro Baptist Church?

-4 It's Popular: In some places, Christians get a pass just for being in the club. Some companies go out of their way for the brethren, give discounts, treat them more kindly and offer more grace than they do some stupid sinner.

If you add "3:16" or "WWJD" to any marketing campaign, or name your business "agape" something, you are sure to attract the most God fearing dregs of society. Sure, say that you are loving to all people, tell folks they are going to heaven because, or you will be prosperous, life will be easy, or that your purpose is undiscovered - then you'll be able to use the Christian title for personal gain. Well, as long as your marketing plan doesn't include Saudi Arabia and North Korea.

-5 It's Synonymous With Love: All Christians are loving, and I want to be part of that group! Love makes the world go 'round and who would want to to be like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, or Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle?

Love is whatever makes you feel good about another person, and there is something about Christian love, it's better than plain ole' love. We want the kind that covers all our mistakes, opinions, and let's us do whatever we please - and forgives us if we overdo it.

-5 1/2 The possibility that there might be a Heaven, one in which I'd like go to.

So tell me, why do you call yourself a Christian - well, if you do. Are you willing to give your life for the cause?