Monday, September 27, 2010

5 1/2 Things Christians Do that Have Never Been Taught

Once you get into Christian culture, there are some things that you need to learn, but they won't be taught from the pulpit. I have noticed that even new Christians pick these lessons up very quickly.

-1 Watch Your Language Around Church Folks: I don't care where you are from, if someone is in a church, they usually stop using the "F" word and most of the other ones they wouldn't use in the presence of a 5-year-old. Especially if the pastor/preist is around. Why is that? I don't know about you, but I have never had a sermon on freakin' profanity.

-2 Sermon Notes: Most churches give out a bulletin of announcements. While some outline the service, they inevitably gets used to make a sermon note or two. I have even seen sermon note spaces and my favorite, fill-in-the-blank sermon notes. If I forget my pen, they have some cheesy small pencils in the chair backs.

-3 Pray With Your Eyes Closed: Maybe it is Billy Graham, but why Christian pray with their eyes closed is a mystery of the faith. I used t do it to, but I: A) can't find any Bible references for it, and B) I almost got mugged by a demon once, and I like to see them coming.

-4 Bible Roulette: Someone tells you that God's will is in the Bible. One day you are hoping to hear from God, and you toss a few prayers towards Heaven - no answer. After a few days you decide that the answer has got to be in the Bible, but reading the whole thing is just going to make you confused. So you decide to randomly flip pages until you feel God said stop. There is ti, the first thing that you see, that's the answer. This is the reason most woman marry a David, a Paul, a Matthew or a John. It is also the reason that Lady Gaga is still single.

-5 Wish God Would Speak to You Personally: If you are like most Christians, you are waiting for the "spiritual bellhop in the sky" to pay off on more than a few prayers. It is interesting how easy it is to come to a place where we'll say, :"if God would just speak to me, I would know what to do." Honestly, what would you do if He did?

-5 1/2 Say Amen...

1 comment:

photogr said...

OK. I haven't written much lately.

Wishing that God would speak to you. I would imagine He or the Holy Spirit does but many miss the call I am afraid or His words fall on deaf ears.

Bible roulette: A classic way to get the wrong message in many cases. I once heard of a man that was seeking a Passage of God's loving grace and turned the pages to Ezekiel.

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