Skip to main content

You Might Be Religious If . . .

Stereotypes are bad, but have you ever thought why we have them? It's because they are true to some degree.

Most people claim that they want to be individuals, but they often end up identifying with a larger group. Christians certainly can be like that. That's what makes light-bulb jokes about denominations sort of funny. HERE are some if you'd haven't heard how many evangelicals it takes to change one.

I like Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck if" routines. In the very same style of humor, I have created my own one-liners about religious people. There is no conclusive or factual way to tell if someone is religious - but some of the following things sure do make you think.

You might be religious if you think that _______ .

. . . the church is a building.

. . . the King James is the only authoritative Bible translation.

. . . all Catholics are not saved.

. . . tongues are the only evidence of salvation.

. . . 4 Spiritual Laws, Romans Road or the Sinner's Prayer are the only methods of getting folks saved.

. . . communion is for the forgivness of sin.

. . . Jesus would actually do a church service exactly like you do.

. . . you think that the poor are the only people that Jesus cares about.

. . . you think that Santa is a Christian symbol.

. . . you think that the pastor is the only one that can really pray with authority.

. . . that you need to be good to get to heaven.

. . . That there is anyone that cannot be forgiven.

Are you religious?
Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
I practically can't help but be religious, but God's working on me little by little.

My wife always gets annoyed with me when I use some stereotype, but I think they're a great time saver! And I love to be efficient. ;)
March 21, 2011 at 9:36 AM
David-FireAndGrace said…
@Matt - well stereotypes are certainly useful! ;)
March 21, 2011 at 2:25 PM
Tony C said…
You can only tell Redneck jokes if you're a Redneck...or risk ticking a lot if NASCAR fans off...and they're really mean people.

As for the religious...keep praying for conviction and salvation. Good think God is longsuffering.
March 21, 2011 at 2:44 PM
Tracy said…
Hah! Several of these really hit home for me cuz I've grown up around those types of religious folks. OK, let's get real - sometimes I'm religious. Like Matt and TonyC indicated above; I'm sure grateful for God's grace and patience!
March 21, 2011 at 9:36 PM
Charlie's Church of Christ said…
oh man I want to play! I could probably make it really offensive though...

you might be religious if a TV evangelist's name appears in your credit card statement.


ahh I can do better I'll think more
March 21, 2011 at 10:24 PM
photogr said…
Well I guess I might be a redneck. Don't have all my teeth from a racing accident but the doc got me some expensive store bought ones. I am also a NASCAR fan and ex race car owner and driver. Still get a twitch in my gas pedal foot when I watch races.

I don't usually get ticked off about things so I don't think I am really mean unless I get unsulted.

Yes. I guess I fit into a stereo typed category.

Religious? When it comes to that I really don't know. Messy Christian? Yes but spiritually led to seek out others that need religion.
March 22, 2011 at 11:26 PM
Carla@3-foldcord.com said…
Ha! Great post! I've always despised being lumped into the "religious" category so I usually use the over used phrase,I'm not religious, I'm spiritual,which throws people for a loop cause I'm Christian and Christianity certainly isn't spiritual, you have to shop at new age holistic stores, right? Aren't stereotypes great? My husband and I used a similar style to determine if your church kicks butt, if you're religious, you might want to answer these questions. http://www.3-foldcord.com/2011/03/is-your-church-relevant-andor-cutting.html
Thanks!
Blessings!
March 24, 2011 at 5:22 PM
David-FireAndGrace said…
Wow, my most commented on blog in months! Thanks everyone for chiming in.

I don't know anything about rednecks, save a TV show or two. I do know a lot about dead religion - sorta like talking about how Dale would have done at Daytona if he were alive today... ;)
March 24, 2011 at 6:09 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Touchdown Jesus! - Vessels of Grace and Channels of Power

My blog title is grammatically correct. Jesus did not get a touchdown, that was the nickname a 62 foot tall, upper torso sculpture, of Jesus was given. The sculpture, off I-75 in southern Ohio, was struck by lightening and burned to the ground. HERE  is the Yahoo News story. I an not going to segue into some prophetic sign of how the End Times are upon is. Much more interesting, and relevant, are the comments on the article by some 3,500+ readers. Here is one by Joshua - "God and Jesus was just made up in a book too. Same with Lucifer and every other angel. Anyone who says Zues is just made up cant prove it. Nor can anyone prove Jesus or God is too. Anyone can write a book and make up some higher being and some poor fools will buy into it." This is one of my favorites from What122: "I wonder if their insurance will cover it, or will the insurance company say it was an act of God?" One commenter characterizes Christianity by using the Bible against itself. Be...
26 comments
Read more

Political Tuesdays - The Taxation Question

I have written on political topics in the past. And with the upcoming electons, I thought I would dedicate Tuesdays to some political ranting and Johndrow-esque, "think for myself" politics. Most will not be based on any specific Christian belief or doctrine unless it applies. As an American I find myself stunned, over and over; like fish in the reach of the tenticles of a man-o-war, at political solutions to human and spiritual problems. I live in Masschusetts, and we are the most liberal state in the US. We were first in gay marriage, we were first in mandatory healthcare, we have rejected mandatory sentencing for repeat and sex offenders, we are ahead of the Global Warming curve, we have high taxes ( on average 10% ), we are split on casino gambleing only because we've missed the boat (if doesn't create jobs, it's a political flop), and well John Kerry and Ted Kennedy were our sentaors for many years (Kerry still is). The last time we went red for president...
12 comments
Read more

Mad Libs: An Unforgettable Church Service

Hopefully you have heard of Mad Libs (R) ! They are stories that you blindly fill in the blanks for articles of grammar and then read the completed story. Since I was a kid, these have always been a hoot. I decided to make up my own. Just fill in the blanks next time you are at small group and then read it back. It is sure to shake up a few religious spirits. An Unforgettable Church Service We arrived at _________ ( time of day ) at the Church of the Holy _________ ( noun ). It was ___________ ( day of week ) and we got out of the _________ ( mode of transportation ). We were dressed in our __________ ( day of week ) best. We all held _________ ( plural body part ) as we crossed the street. Today was special because it was ___________ (holiday) and the kids look forward to receiving _________ ( noun ) as part of the celebration. Pastor _________ ( name ) was there to greet us and shake our ________ ( body part ). He welcomed my __________ ( family member ) with a big _________ ( bodil...
5 comments
Read more