Monday, March 21, 2011

You Might Be Religious If . . .

Stereotypes are bad, but have you ever thought why we have them? It's because they are true to some degree.

Most people claim that they want to be individuals, but they often end up identifying with a larger group. Christians certainly can be like that. That's what makes light-bulb jokes about denominations sort of funny. HERE are some if you'd haven't heard how many evangelicals it takes to change one.

I like Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck if" routines. In the very same style of humor, I have created my own one-liners about religious people. There is no conclusive or factual way to tell if someone is religious - but some of the following things sure do make you think.

You might be religious if you think that _______ .

. . . the church is a building.

. . . the King James is the only authoritative Bible translation.

. . . all Catholics are not saved.

. . . tongues are the only evidence of salvation.

. . . 4 Spiritual Laws, Romans Road or the Sinner's Prayer are the only methods of getting folks saved.

. . . communion is for the forgivness of sin.

. . . Jesus would actually do a church service exactly like you do.

. . . you think that the poor are the only people that Jesus cares about.

. . . you think that Santa is a Christian symbol.

. . . you think that the pastor is the only one that can really pray with authority.

. . . that you need to be good to get to heaven.

. . . That there is anyone that cannot be forgiven.

Are you religious?


Matt @ The Church of No People said...

I practically can't help but be religious, but God's working on me little by little.

My wife always gets annoyed with me when I use some stereotype, but I think they're a great time saver! And I love to be efficient. ;)

David-FireAndGrace said...

@Matt - well stereotypes are certainly useful! ;)

Tony C said...

You can only tell Redneck jokes if you're a Redneck...or risk ticking a lot if NASCAR fans off...and they're really mean people.

As for the religious...keep praying for conviction and salvation. Good think God is longsuffering.

Tracy said...

Hah! Several of these really hit home for me cuz I've grown up around those types of religious folks. OK, let's get real - sometimes I'm religious. Like Matt and TonyC indicated above; I'm sure grateful for God's grace and patience!

Charlie's Church of Christ said...

oh man I want to play! I could probably make it really offensive though...

you might be religious if a TV evangelist's name appears in your credit card statement.

ahh I can do better I'll think more

photogr said...

Well I guess I might be a redneck. Don't have all my teeth from a racing accident but the doc got me some expensive store bought ones. I am also a NASCAR fan and ex race car owner and driver. Still get a twitch in my gas pedal foot when I watch races.

I don't usually get ticked off about things so I don't think I am really mean unless I get unsulted.

Yes. I guess I fit into a stereo typed category.

Religious? When it comes to that I really don't know. Messy Christian? Yes but spiritually led to seek out others that need religion.

Carla said...

Ha! Great post! I've always despised being lumped into the "religious" category so I usually use the over used phrase,I'm not religious, I'm spiritual,which throws people for a loop cause I'm Christian and Christianity certainly isn't spiritual, you have to shop at new age holistic stores, right? Aren't stereotypes great? My husband and I used a similar style to determine if your church kicks butt, if you're religious, you might want to answer these questions.

David-FireAndGrace said...

Wow, my most commented on blog in months! Thanks everyone for chiming in.

I don't know anything about rednecks, save a TV show or two. I do know a lot about dead religion - sorta like talking about how Dale would have done at Daytona if he were alive today... ;)

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