Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The End: You Know What I Mean?

Today I am taking a few minutes off from working; that's right, I am back to to work. It has been a tough two days. I was accustom to taking an afternoon nap, or at least a rest. Instead of plying myself with caffeine, I am going cold turkey. The good news is that I am working from home and get to skip 2 hours of insanity on the Massachusetts Turnpike each day.

But I am tired, really tired at the end of the day. Within 2 hours of starting work, I seem to have used up a lot of my creative energy - then I fake it 'til I make the rest of the time.

It's not a very spiritual message, but I must say that I have discovered my limitations quickly. I am still not back to where I once was, and truthfully I wonder if I ever will be. I will say that I have been pushing the exercise, running three times a week about two and half miles. That is where I feel the most normal.

In spite of all that, the cardiologist says that my heart is back to 100%. That's a miracle seeing as 1/3 of the folks that have a viral myocarditis die from it, and about 1/3 need heart transplants. The rest, have varying stages of recovery; I am one of those. Yay God!

At the end of these limitations, lies the end of me. It is interesting, in all the years I have been alive, I am not sure that I have pushed myself to the end of me. I always thought if I had more time that I could do more; if I worked a little harder I could achieve more. Now I struggle to do the things I need to do in the time that I do have. I can't think any more thoughts, take anymore steps, or do one more chore - when I am done I am done.

Interestingly, I am still worshiping, and ministering as God supplies folks for me to engage with. I love to be a messenger for the Lord. I am always hopeful for a God encounter where I get to walk into the good works that have been created for me by God. I get to do what I see the Father doing. It's energizing!

Sunday I visited a local church that which I used to attend for a few years (Read that: "let's says they didn't really have a need for a guy like me.") It is the same place where one of the elders had a word of knowledge about God healing my heart a few weeks ago. I have had their ministry team pray for me each week too. (read that 100% heart recovery!) This week I went up for prayer again. It's one of the coolest things that Christian get to do!

The pastor had some young guy pray for me. It was very nice! In turn, the Lord gave me a simple word about his teaching gift, and the word "education." As soon as I shared it with him, he said, "Have you been talking to my friends?" He was looking to see if the pastor had given me the inside. It is sort of funny to me - well, because it is common place in my world to hear from God. In any event, he received the word because he had been pondering whether or not to pursue some formal education in the ministry for you guessed it, teaching. God is very cool and knows us very well!

How about you, what happens between you and God when you come to the end of yourself?


photogr said...


I haven't came to the end of my self just yet. I guess I depend on God to look over and care for me. I certainly can't do it by myself.

It is great to hear of your progress. I am over joyed, really.

I imagine it will take time to get over all that you had to endure but God looked after you and that is a blessing. I am sure he will not let you push your self over your endurance level.

I guess you were put into that church to give a message to that young man from God. What else could it be. One of your gifts no less and the ability to hear God's voice plainly

Tony C said...

Sounds like what I went through with anemia post-cancer. You learn just how much we take for granted daily.

SLow recovery is still good recovery. I like the third you landed in personally.

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